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Friday, September 20, 2013

Dear Judah: Week 1

Dear Judah,

We've already had you for a week now. Right now it feels like I've known you for months already but that's probably because I haven't slept much and I've spent so much time staring at your sweet face. Yesterday it felt like I can't believe you're already a whole week old. Has it already been that long? You're already changing and growing (but not much).

I'm so thankful that you came into this world on your own time (4 days late) and most importantly safely. This letter isn't going to be about your birth but I want you to know how thankful I am first and foremost for your Daddy (my coach) for those nurses and doctors who helped guide you from my womb to this beautiful world. We both know that you and I did most of the work but trust me they helped a lot. And for that, I'm thankful.

You're a little bit of magic, just like your sister and you look like her too! You're the same, and you're different. My son, our son! There are so many little things I want to remember about life with you in this first week. Your tiny right ear has a little crook in it and the top of it is furry. It's precious and I admire it every time you nurse. You're nursing well, and often. You have spurts where you want to nurse every hour and we're trying to get used to each other. Me with nursing again and you with learning that you have to move your hand away from your mouth to get what you want. You hold your little clenched fist so close to your face and you're so strong. I've learned that I can offer you my thumb and you use it like a handle. Once you're latched on your face immediately softens and your eyebrows go up like internally you are sighing with relief.

You're very snorty. Like a little piglet, and I eat it up. And while I try not to make you wait, I know 5 minutes in baby time probably feels like 3 years to you. I sometimes can't help but smile and kiss your little cheeks when I hear those little snorts. You laugh in your sleep sometimes too. And you even have a dimple! Your hair is so soft, I always want to rub my hands over your squishy little face and head. I can't even get enough of your sweet newborn smell. I could breathe you in all day long.

You lost some weight those first few days in the hospital. So much so that they were worried that your birth weight wasn't right, and there was talk about supplementing with formula. I wanted to exclusively breastfeed and even the thought of supplementing would bring tears to my eyes. I knew if it happened it would be for the best, but I still didn't want it. We did lots of skin to skin time, your Daddy and I. And you suckled as much as you wanted and before we left the hospital my milk was coming in. One of the nurses even commented that "your breasts are like bam" ha! They were boulders for a few days there, but I think we're working it out together and finding a balance.

Along with your weight loss you also had very high bilirubin levels and were jaundiced. You had your heel pricked and blood taken 4 times in 2 days to check the levels. When they kept going up, we had to stay an extra day in the hospital and you were placed under special photo therapy lights to help your body break up the bilirubin. You were stuck, practically naked, under those lights for over 12 hours and  Mommy and Daddy could only watch you. I could only have you out for 30 minute increments to feed you and even then I had to hold a special light blanket on your back the whole time. . Your Daddy went home with your sister and Mommy couldn't do anything to comfort you. That was the roughest night. We both cried. But we made it through.

I've been peed on (or towards) at least 3 times already. I'm now officially the Mommy of a boy! I was also struck by the realization that one day that sweet little face will grow facial hair. I can't really tell you why this made me sad except for the fact that I feel like I made that handsome little face from scratch and the thought that you may want to grow a scraggly beard and cover it up just seemed out of the question! Ridiculous, I know, and I wonder if any other moms of boys feel the same way.

I've fallen in love even more with your Daddy. Something I didn't think was possible. But seeing him with you, our baby, makes me swoon. I love hearing him coo and sing to you. He adores you, and us and I hope that one day you'll have a family to adore like that. I promise I'll always adore them too and always be there for you whenever you need me, and even when you think you don't.

You already love when Ariana reads to you. Before you were born she picked books from the bookstore especially for you. You stare at here in wide eyed wonder, and she smiles and chats to you about the things going on and I know you're going to be the best of friends! You blink your tiny little eyes at her and I'm sure you recognize her voice. She talked to you a lot, A LOT when you were in my belly. She's so excited to be your big sister and she's always concerned when you cry. She comes running when she hears you and it's her very important job to "calm you down". The first question she asks every morning is "where's Judah". I can tell she's going to be good at keeping an eye out for you!

Did I mention how strong you were? When we lay you on our chest or prop you up on our shoulder to burp you, you lift your head and look all around you. Life is pretty interesting to you, it's cute watching you study the fabric of the couch or watch you watch us talk to you. I can already see the wisdom behind your eyes. You're going to be a smart one, sweet Judah.

But, right now little mister your only job these first few days and weeks is to eat, sleep and grow. And so far you're doing a marvelous job!

We love you!


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  1. What an absolutely beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this!

  2. He is just darling. I'm so happy he's healthy - and some day he'll realize how lucky he is to be your son.