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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Let's Be Honest

:: deep breath ::

You may have noticed I haven't really been around my blog much lately.

A lot of things play into this: I had my family here visiting so I was busy with them, Ariana has kept me busy with preschool and gymnastics, and I've started going to the gym with my friend.

And I had a panic attack.

:: deep breath ::

Yep, a panic attack. At least I think it was a panic attack, shaking, couldn't breathe, those kinds of things. I've never had one before so it totally freaked me out. Luckily, I had a dear friend who talked me through it and made sure I was okay. This happened on Black Friday and I don't think I've been the same since. I'm a little more timid in certain situations.

I debated whether or not to share this information, but after reading a friends post who had been going through some of the same things I was, I thought it was time to open up. I could use a little support right now and hopefully can offer support to some of you as well.

So here I go with my honesty.

With my husband deployed it's been hard on me. He's been gone over 4 months and still has 2 more to go. I've come a long way but still some days are harder than others. Having to be a "single mom", living in a foreign country with only a handful of friends, having to explain to my 3 year old why her Daddy is away for so long, tantrums, German preschool rules, landlord issues, language barrier, car issues, my best friend being hospitalized, the death of a pet, being away from family, the depressing German weather. It's all added up over time.

I've also had some personal issues I've been dealing with. It's been an especially rough time lately. But, I've tried to keep it together and trudge on. It's hard to learn to deal with issues you have no control over. But I'm learning to let them go and find my inner peace.

Today, I feel stronger. 
Today, I'm feeling less worn down and more empowered. 
Today, I'm feeling the love.

It may not last long, but I'm holding onto that feeling while I can. 

:: deep breath ::

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  1. Cat, you know I know exactly what you're going through. All those things you're dealing with definitely add up over time, and you have to have a release valve, so it seems that this time the panic attack might have been it. Talk to friends and family when you start feeling anxious. It helps... Believe me. I had to call me mom the other night when it was 3:30am her time. She talked me through it though, and it helped. Don't ever be embarrassed about what you're going through either. I'm not sure who decided that society would put a label of "weakness" on anxiety and panic, but I'd like to give them a swift kick in the rear. It's not something you choose any more than you choose to get strep throat. I hope things start looking up for you soon. Just remember to breathe deep, try to relax often, and talk through issues with good friends and family.

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  3. Cat! I'm so very sorry to hear this! I've missed you on here! And I owe you a letter! I'm sorry!
    I hope things look up soon! Email me if you need to chat girl!

  4. So sorry you’re going through such a rough period! Glad you have a good friend that’s there for you. That makes all of the difference in the world! Hope you feel back to your normal, happy, creative self soon! (Oh and that picture is spectacular!)

  5. Sounds like you're going through the "I hate everything" stage of culture shock. Although I can't imagine going through that stage with a deployed husband and a little one. It will get better though. In the meantime, definitely talk to your close friends and family, and let them help you get through this. You seem like a strong, capable woman, but even strong, capable women sometimes need a shoulder to cry on or a friend to lean on.

  6. Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough patch. Love the picture! What a great idea!

  7. spectacular photo!
    I promise to write you tomorrow. Meanwhile I'll pray.

  8. Honestly, I do not know how you could NOT be experiencing off-balance dealing with all you have to deal with. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. But I have to tell ya...that photo is totally awesome. Without even reading your post I could get a sense just by viewing the capture. You are an artist young lady.


  9. WOW, Cat that is ALOT for anyone too deal with... I feel for you. The blogging community love to chat - don't feel alone, always flag to someone how you are really feeling. A problem shared is a problem halved as they say. And of course you miss your husband/partner.... that's always rough.
    Jennie. x

  10. You actually make it appear so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be actually something which I think I'd never understand. It kind of feels too complicated and extremely huge for me. I am taking a look ahead in your next put up, I will try to get the cling of it!
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