He's leaving...

He's leaving. Those words keep echoing in my head and heart.

Another deployment is looming just around the corner. 

He's leaving. These words scream out loudly in my head, drowning out every other thought. They steal my breath away. They cause me to cling closely to any precious moment we have together. I can't let any of them pass me by, because - he's leaving.

I want to ignore it. To pretend he's not leaving again so soon. But then suddenly those words are screaming in my head and my wall of bliss that we military wives surround ourselves with, is about to come tumbling down. The in between – in between deployments that is – is when we really live our lives. During this time we don't think about past deployments, or future deployments, we live only in our happy, whole, present lovely life. My in between is almost over.

Suddenly,  I'm overwhelmed with the need to cram as much in as I can before he disappears to the other side of the world. Days of Summer, Fall, Winter, and even some Spring alone. Without him.

I can't help repeating myself – "I don't want you to go". It's what my heart is screaming at me. I know there is no stopping it, but I can't stop my lips from saying those words either. It's inevitable.

I want it to hurry up and be over. I want it to never come at all. I want time to hold still. I want my evenings with him to last longer. I want to stay busy, but at the same time don't want him to miss anything. Not one single moment of fun. Not one single bedtime hug.

It's a constant battle in my head that I'm trying desperately to ignore for a little bit longer.

He's leaving. Those words keep echoing in my head and heart.