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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

He's leaving...



He's leaving. Those words keep echoing in my head and heart.

Another deployment is looming just around the corner. 
He's leaving. These words scream out loudly in my head, drowning out every other thought. They steal my breath away. They cause me to cling closely to any precious moment we have together. I can't let any of them pass me by, because - he's leaving.

I want to ignore it. To pretend he's not leaving again so soon. But then suddenly those words are screaming in my head and my wall of bliss that we military wives surround ourselves with, is about to come tumbling down. The in between – in between deployments that is – is when we really live our lives. During this time we don't think about past deployments, or future deployments, we live only in our happy, whole, present lovely life. My in between is almost over.

Suddenly,  I'm overwhelmed with the need to cram as much in as I can before he disappears to the other side of the world. Days of Summer, Fall, Winter, and even some Spring alone. Without him.

I can't help repeating myself – "I don't want you to go". It's what my heart is screaming at me. I know there is no stopping it, but I can't stop my lips from saying those words either. It's inevitable.

I want it to hurry up and be over. I want it to never come at all. I want time to hold still. I want my evenings with him to last longer. I want to stay busy, but at the same time don't want him to miss anything. Not one single moment of fun. Not one single bedtime hug.

It's a constant battle in my head that I'm trying desperately to ignore for a little bit longer.

He's leaving. Those words keep echoing in my head and heart.

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13 comments:

  1. My eyes teared up reading your post. How much the military and their families sacrifice is something that the rest of us may take for granted. I do pray for the military every day. I guess I need to add in the families who stay behind.

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  2. I'm so sorry he is being deployed, it must be so rough for you right now. Your photo is really touching.

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  3. So sorry, Cat. I know all of those feelings all too well. I'll be praying for you, Ariana, and your hubby. Enjoy the time you have together, and hopefully the time apart will pass quickly. I'm here any time you need to vent!

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  4. Praying for you and your husband today.

    Grace upon grace,

    Becky

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  5. :( I'm sorry girly. I haven't experienced a deployment yet, but I know what it is to face them and I know what it is to have mine gone for a few months of training. Not looking forward to my first year without mine. I hope that this time comes and goes quickly so you can have your guy back with you for the long haul.

    HUGS!

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  6. Like you, I believe in happily-ever-after, too. I am sending my prayers, good hope and bright thoughts for you and your love.

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  8. I could feel your pain as I read your post. I am so sorry your husband is getting deployed again. I do not have a husband in the service, but a best friend of mine does. He was deployed to Iraq for 1-1/2 years and I lived through this with her. The pain of getting the call, the time to go, the time away, etc. I want to thank you and your husband for your sacrifices. And I want you to know I will be praying for you, your husband and your family. May God's strength and grace carry you through this.

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  10. I want to give you a big hug and tell you everything is going to be ok. The photo is so very beautiful and has so much emotion in it.
    You, my girl, are one brave and strong woman. I will pray over and over for you(and him)(and her)
    {{big hug}}

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  11. such a lovely photo!

    my brother-in-law is also in the military. it's so hard to see my sister and girls have to say goodbye when he gets deployed...breaks my heart. he just got back from iraq a couple months ago. my thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  12. I think my heart just broke reading this Cat.
    I wish I could come over there and give you the biggest hug right now!
    Just know that I'm sending one from here.

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