Reflections on this Pregnancy

I haven't shared a lot about this pregnancy on my blog. 

I haven't posted ultrasound pictures, dear baby letters, maternity wardrobe photos, or even shared bits and pieces of his nursery yet.

In a way, this surprises me. 

While we are beyond excited and giddy with his impeding arrival, there has been some worrying too. Some fears. Some concerns. I've kept it all close to my heart.

I find it curious that people have asked me if this baby was planned...like I'm over 40 or working on my 11th child. I answer a simple yes with a smile, but in my heart I want to say you will never know how long this baby has been planned for, waited on, and dreamed of. You will never truly know the struggle and heartache we have been through to get to this point. So yes, this baby was most definitely planned. 

2012 wasn't an easy year.

Autumn wasn't the best season.

2013 started out rocky.

June was a bit of a struggle.

July is teetering back and forth.

And with it all I guess I've taken a step back and needed time to process it all instead of immediately sharing it all here. Some of it I didn't (and still don't) know if I was ready to put into words. I'm not sure if I'm waiting until the delivery and then will breath a sigh of relief and share our story or if I'll just be glad to be through it and make it part of the past.

Sometimes people who you are close to shock you by their words and actions. And you think to yourself if that person, that I was so close to responded that way, how would people who don't really know me react? Would they be supportive? Or would they be negative? What comments would they have? Could I handle it?

So for now, I've decided to keep it private.

We are so blessed and can't wait to hold our little love. We love you baby boy!

*I am currently 32 weeks pregnant. This photograph was taken last week in Sardinia at sunset by my wonderful husband. I was 31 weeks pregnant.