Home

Military life isn't always easy. There may be lots of travel and adventure and new friends along the way. But, there is also extreme bravery and sacrifices. There are lots of new bases, new people, new towns to learn your way around. New cultures, new challenges, and new houses to fit into.

While most of the time I really enjoy, in fact love (more than my husband) our life in the Air Force, there were times, like this summer, where I took a step back and realized I'm missing other things as well. Family.

Not the family you make in your home with your spouse and children, or the friends you make along the way that become like family, but the good old fashioned people who where there as you grew up. The ones who watched you blossom over the years. Who helped you up when you stumbled, and cheered you on when you were on top of the world. The family that's always waiting "back home". Wherever "back home" may be. The family that's always got a piece of your heart no matter where the military takes you.

We spent most of our time in Florida this summer, but that's not really home. Georgia is home. It's where we grew up. 

We only had a short visit to Georgia this time. My mom and sister in Florida, and my friend in South Carolina took precedent. But, we did get to stop for a day and a half in Georgia. We planned a dinner out and all those happy faces where there. All that family. All that love. 

As I looked around the table that night I felt overwhelming love and support. I needed that. I didn't even know I needed that until that night. I felt like I was soaking up the love from all around to carry me through this next year in Germany.

"My home is not a place, it is people."

Lois McMaster Bujold, "Barrayar", 1991

So, while I cherish our time in the military and all the places we go, sometimes, there's nothing like "home".

You Know You're Stationed in Germany When...

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Living in Germany is a truly unique experience. Richard and I have been living here for over a year and a half now. I thought it would be fun to put together a list that talks about some of the things we experience over here. I've heard of all of these and experienced all but 1 or 2 myself. Some of these are annoying, shocking, funny or just plain different from what we're used to. But, it's all in good fun and part of the joy and experience of living overseas.

Life is all about making memories and having a good time together and part of my reason for making this list is to have it to look back on later. If you live or have lived in Germany I'm sure you can relate to many of these items on the list. Enjoy!

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You know you're living in Germany when...

- You ask for water at a restaurant and it's carbonated. Eww.

- It costs more to call your neighbor than it does to call your family back in America.

- Most houses don't have A/C.

- You've discovered the joys of the shelf in your toilet. (If you live here, you know what I mean)

- You've fried one (or more) of your electronics. RIP flatiron.

- You have gotten lost (even with a GPS) trying to get to a friends house. I swear I don't know how anybody gets around this country without a GPS.

- You have to pay to use a shopping cart.

- You see children as young as 4 walking home along, and crossing, busy streets after preschool.

- Your house doesn't have any closets. You have to buy or rent wardrobes.

- You've bought a flight to Paris for less than it takes to fill your car with gas.

- If it's sunny outside you go out right then because if you go change your clothes, chances are the sunshine will be replaced with rain and you'll have missed out.

- You have lugged 25 pound transformers up and down your stairs just to use an American appliance in your kitchen.

- You've been trapped in a store if you didn't buy anything because of the Do Not Enter doors at the registers and entrances.

- You discover a sex shop next to a children's store.

- People scowl at you if you try to give a friendly wave.

- You can be driving 100 mph on the autobahn and people are still flying around you fast enough to make your car shake.

- People bring their dogs into nice restaurants.

- You've been warned not to do yard work on a Sunday or you will be reported to the Polezei.

- Light switches for your bathroom are on the outside. (This is especially fun if you have little ones and company comes over!)

- You never get ice in your drink.

- You have to bring your own bags and bag your own groceries at the store.

- Leaving a tip at a restaurant can be seen as rude.

- The refrigerator in your kitchen is about the size of the one in your old college dorm room.

- German M&M's don't taste the same as American ones. Neither does Diet Coke.

- You can't stand the taste of watery American beer now and only want European beer.

- You've cooked a big Thanksgiving meal in your tiny German oven - one dish at a time.

- You've have to pay to use a public restroom.

- You've had friends say to you "If people aren't rude, it's not Germany"

- You live next door to a horse, cow, chicken, duck or camel, in a town.

- When you say "Sprechen zie English" every single person says "a little" but then carries on a conversation fluently.

- You've gotten stuck behind a 90 year old riding a bicycle on the road, more than once.

- You've bought fresh delicious German pretzels out of a vending machine at the grocery store for practically pocket change.

- At first you hated them but know you've come to love your rolladens (metal window shades) when you find out the sun rises at 5 am in the summer in Germany. Every house everywhere should have those!

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Have anything to add? 
If you live here, or have lived here, I'd love to hear your memories. Things you miss or DON'T miss let me know!!

**Photo is one I took looking down on our village at sunset.

Re-adjusting to life after a deployment

It's hard to believe that Rich has already been home 1 month and 1 day. This past month has flown by. Nothing like how some weeks could drag on for what felt like a month when he was deployed. But we're here and we're adjusting to life with each other again. Life is good.

They (military booklets) warned about "romanticizing homecoming" and how and it's easy to build it up in your head how perfect it's going to be, but be prepared for things to be hard. I struggled with keeping the balance in my head. I wondered a lot how Ariana would react. Would she only want me since she's only had me for the past 6 months. Would she only want him, since she hadn't had him for 6 months? Plus, how would we reconnect as a couple? We were used to a lot of alone time. Six months is a long time.

I was worried with little things like how the towels needed to be fresh out of the dryer and what to make for dinner that first night. Just so you know, the towels had been used once and for dinner I made spaghetti with meatballs and salad. He didn't care that there were some dirty clothes in the hamper, or that I chose a simple meal that is one of our family favorites. Paired with a bottle of red wine and some much needed family talk and it was perfect in our own way. And that's how it's suppose to be. It may not be perfect like you imagine it, but it will be perfect for your family. Because life is imperfectly perfect.

For the most part our adjustment has gone smoothly. After the first few days of waking up to each other and Ariana realizing that Daddy is actually home for good and not a dream, things settled down. We took her to preschool, made meal plans together, he went to briefings, life got back to "normal".

Then we went on our vacation to Edelweiss. It was so nice. To have time together. To not worry about what to make for dinner (we could just go down to the buffet), to swim all afternoon if we wanted, and to go on adventures and walks and just focus on each other and having a good time. It was just what we needed to reconnect on a basic level without the distractions of normal life getting in the way.

And in regards to Ariana, she didn't want to let Daddy out of her sight those first few weeks. She was thrilled to have him back to play ponies and babies with her, sit by her at dinner, show off all the things she's learned while he was gone, and read stories with him at night. She's still worried that he's going to leave again, and she's not happy with it, but we're working on it. Such is the life of a military family. We can't promise her he's never going to leave again.

I think part of me romanticized his homecoming, I mean how could I not when that's all you've thought about for 180+ days. Another part of me feels like we were living in a honeymoon phase. It was easy not to get annoyed at each other because it all felt so new again. He didn't mind that I squeezed the toothpaste in the middle, because he missed sharing our bathroom with me. The fact that he leaves his clutter all over the kitchen table when he comes home is nice because part of me is happy to see his clutter again.Those little things that sometimes annoy each other, were now creating smiles. I can happily say it's been an easy adjustment, mostly.

But really, it's taken almost whole month to adjust completely. Our routine had changed a lot while he was gone and we had to figure out to adjust it to fit a family of 3 again. It's much nicer this way though. We usually read in bed before sleep and just looking over and seeing him there makes me smile. It's easy to take advantage of the little things and deployments remind us just how special those little moments are and to enjoy them. 

I hope I can hold onto the magic of these little moments.

And for those of you who are lucky enough to not having to adjust after deployments, I hope you can find the magic in those little moments too.

Recounting

I've been seeing lots of "currently" posts, which I plan to do one later, but for now I'm looking back on the past 6 months and all that I've been and done. Making this list makes me feel accomplished.

While Rich was deployed I:

Shared 3 boxes of Girl Scout cookies with Ariana

Bought a Ukelele

Sought out news about military in Afghanistan

Avoided news about military in Afghanistan

Celebrated Ariana's 3rd Birthday

Celebrated Halloween

Cooked my own turkey for Thanksgiving

Played Santa

Rang in 2012, on my couch

Celebrated Valentine's with a burger and a shake

Read 9 books

Paid off 2 small credit cards

Went to Paris with my Aunt

Aged 186 days

Did 60+ loads of laundry

Had 5 different house guests

Created a new savings plan

Had trouble sleeping

Slept like a baby

Was thankful for 70 little things

Painted 4 paintings

Called 10 German preschools

Offered support to friends

Took myself on a date at the bookstore

Achieved personal goals

Made mistakes

Danced around my house

Cried over Germany

Laughed over Germany

Laughed so hard I cried

Cried so hard I hyperventilated

Played in the snow

Cried when I found this article

Broke my macro lens

Sat while my car was fixed for 5 hours

Handled a German satellite company, oil company, and repair man.

Discovered new yummy recipes

Rediscovered my love for certain foods

Made crafts with Ariana

Watered our baby snails everyday

Disposed of 2 dead mice

Worried at night

Daydreamed about future vacations during the day

Fell in love with bacon

Sent sympathy cards

Sent thinking of you cards

Sent birthday cards

Sent thank you cards

Woke up from nightmares I couldn't remember

Made new friends

Ran into old friends

Watched girly movies as much as I wanted

Drove to the Frankfurt airport 6 times.

Drove to Heidelberg at least 5 times

Had a love affair with Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1, and the soundtrack

Bought new nail polish

Wrote love letters

Wrote music

Fell in love with Gluhwein and Christmas Markets

Had a mini breakdown

Ran late

Arrived early

Blogged a lot

Abandoned my blog

Ate lots of chocolate

Drank lots of wine

Cried to friends

Said I could handle it

Took thousands of photos

Enrolled Ariana in preschool

Lost 10 pounds

Took lots of videos of Ariana

Bought 3 new house plants

Spent hours talking to friends on the phone

Learned a lot about myself and others

While Rich was gone I grew as a person, parent, and military wife. I learned I'm stronger than some people give me credit for and weaker than I like to admit at times. I discovered that time moves slow and fast at the same time but it's always moving forward.

While Rich was deployed, I did a lot.

Let's Be Honest

via

:: deep breath ::

You may have noticed I haven't really been around my blog much lately.

A lot of things play into this: I had my family here visiting so I was busy with them, Ariana has kept me busy with preschool and gymnastics, and I've started going to the gym with my friend.

And I had a panic attack.

:: deep breath ::

Yep, a panic attack. At least I think it was a panic attack, shaking, couldn't breathe, those kinds of things. I've never had one before so it totally freaked me out. Luckily, I had a dear friend who talked me through it and made sure I was okay. This happened on Black Friday and I don't think I've been the same since. I'm a little more timid in certain situations.

I debated whether or not to share this information, but after reading a friends post who had been going through some of the same things I was, I thought it was time to open up. I could use a little support right now and hopefully can offer support to some of you as well.

So here I go with my honesty.

With my husband deployed it's been hard on me. He's been gone over 4 months and still has 2 more to go. I've come a long way but still some days are harder than others. Having to be a "single mom", living in a foreign country with only a handful of friends, having to explain to my 3 year old why her Daddy is away for so long, tantrums, German preschool rules, landlord issues, language barrier, car issues, my best friend being hospitalized, the death of a pet, being away from family, the depressing German weather. It's all added up over time.

I've also had some personal issues I've been dealing with. It's been an especially rough time lately. But, I've tried to keep it together and trudge on. It's hard to learn to deal with issues you have no control over. But I'm learning to let them go and find my inner peace.

Today, I feel stronger. 

Today, I'm feeling less worn down and more empowered. 

Today, I'm feeling the love.

It may not last long, but I'm holding onto that feeling while I can. 

:: deep breath ::

Deployment: one month down...

One month down, too many more to go.

Things I've learned so far during this deployment:

- I stay awake as long as possible because hate sleeping alone in a cold bed.

- Taking out the trash is my least favorite chore of his (thanks for always doing it babe.)

- My heart skips a beat when I hear someone sign in on Skype. It's almost never him.

- I've had to dispose of 2 dead mice that died by the steps that lead down into our basement. It's gross.

- Friends help the days go by faster, but the aloneness still lingers.
- I like listening to the book he recorded for Ariana as much as she does.
- Being sick makes you miss them more. 

- A "long" Skype date can keep you on cloud 9 for the rest of the day.

- Spending anniversaries apart is depressing when all you want to do is kiss them. (Ours was yesterday)

- Helping children through deployment can be very challenging at times.
- Cooking for one and a half isn't as much fun.
- I miss his touch, especially his kisses.
- Playing football on the TV makes me feel close to him.

- People will ALWAYS tell you they know how you feel. (Unless they've had someone close who has been deployed, they do not.)

Seven Years Ago

Seven years ago today I married my best friend in a small outdoor ceremony by a waterfall in Texas. We celebrated with my Mom, family friend Lori and highschool friend Mark with small wedding cake and a bottle of champagne. I was 19, he was 20. We were madly in love.

The week before, he was an airman in training for the Air Force in Texas. I was a student and dog groomer in Georgia. We had been engaged for a year but were waiting until he got done with training before we got married. Suddenly, he got orders to England and wanted me to come to Texas and marry him right then. Within a few days I had quit my job, packed up all my belongings and drove half way across the country to get married and start our life together. People told us we were too young. We just followed our hearts.

Seven years later he's away in DC for training for the Air Force. I'm visiting family in Florida with our daughter. We've lived in Texas, England, Nebraska and Germany.

We've spent months sleeping on an air matress on the floor, kissed at the top of the Effiel Tower, walked the floors of the Coliseum, celebrated St. Patty's in Dublin, gazed at the Mona Lisa together, swam in a blue lagoon in Malta, snowboarded on the Austrian Alps, admired Stonehenge at sunset, partied at Oktoberfest, sunbathed in Spain, and survived a deployment.

We've spent holidays, birthday's and anniversaries apart. We've joked, hugged, fought, made up, laughed, cried, kissed, loved and enjoyed each other's company. Life is an adventure and I'm so glad we have each other to spend it with. Over these past 7 years I wouldn't change a thing and I know I've found my forever love. Even if he does hate that I squeeze the toothpaste in the middle.

To my muffin, happy anniversary babe. Love forever, your cupcake.

Bittersweet Vacation

Our tickets have been bought! 

This time next week Ariana and I will be making the 10 hour flight from Germany to Miami, Florida to visit with my family! Richard will be following a few days after but he's going to D.C. for a week of pre-deployment training. Then he's joining us in Florida before it's back to Germany for more paperwork and processing and then BACK to the states for more training. It's such a screwy schedule.

So, while I'm excited to be going back to the states to visit my Mom and sister (and see the new Harry Potter!), it's just one step closer to that dreaded deployment.

We're going to try to enjoy our last little bit of time together though. Good old fashioned family time and sunny sandy beaches are good for the soul. Right?

Deep breaths, I can do this.

Picture source. 

It's beach glass. I'm kinda obsessed with it and hope I can find some!

Summer Photo Checklist, Summer Sale (and other stuff)

I found this fun summer photo checklist. It's great to go through and get some inspiration even if you don't follow the entire list. For me, it was a great little boast for my creative juices.

Source: simple as that blog

If you follow my facebook fan page you probably already know I'm having an Etsy sale.

I'm closing my shop on July 4th for a month long (maybe longer) summer vacation. Before I close up shop though, I'm offering a whopping 30% off everything in the shop with the code SUMMERVACAY30. If you've had your eye on something, nows the best time to shop. I won't be having anymore discounts in my shop for a while. Think of it as a Christmas in June/July sale.

Also I wanted to share some good news. First my husband got me a new computer. I love it. I've been having to get used to switching from a PC to a Mac. So far so good.

AND last but not least......MY HUSBAND GOT PROMOTED TO TECH SERGEANT!!

This is a big deal! Only 20% of the people that tested for this rank got promoted, and he was one of them! I'm so super proud of him and when he came home last night and had Ariana hand me the Tech Sergeant stripes, I screamed, loudly! haha! It was a shock! 

The average time in service in the Air Force before making Tech Sergeant is usually 14 years. Rich made it in 8 years (that's how long he will have been in once he sews on) He won't actually sew on for another year, but still, how exciting! It's the hardest rank to make! So proud of my babe!

He's leaving...

He's leaving. Those words keep echoing in my head and heart.

Another deployment is looming just around the corner. 

He's leaving. These words scream out loudly in my head, drowning out every other thought. They steal my breath away. They cause me to cling closely to any precious moment we have together. I can't let any of them pass me by, because - he's leaving.

I want to ignore it. To pretend he's not leaving again so soon. But then suddenly those words are screaming in my head and my wall of bliss that we military wives surround ourselves with, is about to come tumbling down. The in between – in between deployments that is – is when we really live our lives. During this time we don't think about past deployments, or future deployments, we live only in our happy, whole, present lovely life. My in between is almost over.

Suddenly,  I'm overwhelmed with the need to cram as much in as I can before he disappears to the other side of the world. Days of Summer, Fall, Winter, and even some Spring alone. Without him.

I can't help repeating myself – "I don't want you to go". It's what my heart is screaming at me. I know there is no stopping it, but I can't stop my lips from saying those words either. It's inevitable.

I want it to hurry up and be over. I want it to never come at all. I want time to hold still. I want my evenings with him to last longer. I want to stay busy, but at the same time don't want him to miss anything. Not one single moment of fun. Not one single bedtime hug.

It's a constant battle in my head that I'm trying desperately to ignore for a little bit longer.

He's leaving. Those words keep echoing in my head and heart.